Barely Surviving Motherhood

Well hello there. I haven’t published anything on here in a little while, and this post is going to explain why. I’ve gone through a small shift recently as I came to the realisation I was just surviving my motherhood, rather than living in it and enjoying it. My days were packed with tasks and to-do’s and I was just making way through it all, trying to juggle two kids, our electrical business, my casual job, managing the household and my blog. Bed time would hit and I would be relieved the day was done. I know I’m not alone in this either! The above is basically ‘Mum-Life’. We’re exhausted, hungry women with something on our body that always needs shaving, wearing a bazillion hats, being pulled in all sorts of directions! And at the end of the day, we are this way because all we’re trying to do is be the absolute fucking best Mum/wife/sister/friend/employee we can be. 

The above is basically ‘Mum-Life’. We’re exhausted, hungry women with something on our body that always needs shaving, wearing a bazillion hats, being pulled in all sorts of directions!

Before I go on, I just want to say that I don’t consider myself an expert in the things I’m about to discuss in regards to the positive changes I’ve made in my life. I am filled with anxiety that people will think I’m telling them what to do, like my way is the only way (I also have a huge tendency to over think!). It’s not like that all. I’ve just kinda found myself on a bit of a journey (Woah. That’s sounding super cheesy but I’ve spent five minutes trying to reword it with no success so we’re rolling with it) as I’ve discovered some things which have worked for me and I’m simply sharing just in case they may help you too.

The Importance Of Time

Quite often I would get a DM or comment from people asking ‘How do you do it all?’. Well, let me tell you, I was BARELY getting through it. I had created a very bad habit of filling my plate with SO much stuff, thinking I could do it all and then when I would finish with something and the space would free up, I’d go and fill it back up again with something else! This bad habit of mine began to drive me into the ground. I was an uptight ball of stress, with debilitating perfectionism. Basically, I couldn’t half-ass anything. My house had to be perfectly tidy before I would leave, before bed or before anyone would come over. I had to-do lists everywhere, because my mind would be thinking ahead to the next task and I didn’t want to forget anything, so I’d be scribbling things down. The kids were constantly getting looked after by grandparents because I thought I just had so much stuff to do, I need to be free from distractions so I could smash through my tasks. Yet, I never finished everything I wanted to. There was and always will be MORE to do!

An accurate example of my life…..

This is a screenshot of just ONE of the windows I had open. Tabs open of things I didn’t want to forget to go back to.

Maybe it’s because I am getting older (and I like to think wiser) but lately I’ve realised how important MY time is. Time is just like money. You need consider how you’re spending it. And all the changes I have made in my life have stemmed from this. The reason I haven’t posted on here in a little while is because I have been implementing all these changes to set myself up for a schedule that is entirely my own. It’s ironic I had to get REALLY busy to help myself get less-busy, but change requires effort. And yeh, I’ll always be busy. I’m a busy person and that’s how I like to live. But I don’t want to be overwhelmed anymore. I’m working my way towards control. Things are always going to require my time, but I’m going to be choosing how I give it rather than scrambling to find moments where I can give time to tasks.

The Next Step

After I realised the value of my time, I looked at where I actually want to spend it and compared it to what was taking it up. 

Where did I want my time to go?

  • Enjoying the kids
  • My blog
  • Our business

What was taking my time up?

  • Housework
  • My casual job
  • My tendency to say YES YES YES to everything

Of course things like the kids were also taking up my time, but the list was more about things I could change. It’s not like I can give away my kids (nor do I want to!) but I could definitely change those things in my list. 

So How Did I Create More Time?

I spent three weeks decluttering my entire home (you can see it all on my Instagram highlights), which has now minimized my housework ten fold! I’m not picking things up all damn day long because we no longer have too much stuff! It takes me about 10 minutes in the morning to tidy and then another 10 in the evening before bed. If people are coming over, it’s another 10 mins before the house is at a standard I’m happy with to invite guests into. I spread my cleaning tasks out over the week, so it’s just little bits at a time. 

Also, a super big contributing factor to minimising my housework is how I do my washing. I owe this change to Allie Cazassa as she discusses it one of her podcast episodes. (By the way, if you’re looking for tips and inspo to declutter – she’s your girl! Check her out on Instagram and listen to her podcast. She’s changed my life.) Basically, I do one load of washing a day. I use Colour Catchers so I can chuck all the colours into the one wash. I don’t even bother seperating towels and bedsheets (I guess I’ll find out if that’s a mistake but everything is only from kmart anyway). I then fold the previous days washing which is now dry and put away. And that’s it. I’m done. I don’t have a mountain of washing building that would need one whole day dedicated to tackling. 

I quit my casual job. Time and effort from myself, my husband and my family taking turns helping with the kids (let alone the kids missing me at bed time 2+ nights a week) outweighed the financial benefit of me working there. My kids needed me, my husband needed me, the business needed me and this blog needed me MORE than my family needed my paycheck. I’m not saying you need to quit your job! But assess if it is serving you. If there’s an opportunity to adjust your hours (which is what I tried to do first) you could explore that? Or maybe there is another time commitment you’ve made that’s not helping you as much as just not doing it would.

I only said YES to things I actually want to do. It’s no longer said out of obligation. A very good friend of mine also helped me realise I’m allowed to say ‘no thanks’ and then that be it! The need for justification is not necessary. Revolutionary hey?!

Again, I’m not saying my way is the only way. This is just what I have done and I now find myself having more freedom to dedicate my time to what really needs it. This in no way means I’m sitting down and watching Netflix all day, because I still don’t have the time for that. But it means I can pause on the invoicing to play a game of hide and seek with the kids, because I’ve got room to get back to it later. 

If you’re feeling like you’re only getting by, firstly I want you to know you are amazing. You’re busting your ass to do what you have to for your family. I’d also like you to know you can make a difference. It absolutely doesn’t have to be that way and you can make a little wriggle room to breathe! We all need to work (just because I’m not at my casual job doesn’t mean I’m not working) so look at the space outside of it and I know you can find a way to create room. 

Remember, Motherhood is not meant to be perfect but it is meant to be memorable. 

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